I can’t believe it, but I’m being discharged this afternoon! I can’t wait to see my husband and kids. I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed. I can’t wait to get back to normal life.
I’m going home with my PICC line and a CPN (central parenteral nutrition) bag. A home care nurse will visit our house tonight to show my husband and me how to administer the CPN and antibiotic intravenously. In addition to the CPN, I’m on a clear, liquid diet until I meet with my GI in two weeks. He will do a CT scan to ensure the inflammation has settled, and if it has, he’ll remove the PICC line and I can slowly reintroduce solids into my diet. For now, all I can think about is donuts.
When I reflect on the week I spent in the hospital, I think about what I’ve learned. I’ve learned that I need to stop putting myself last. I walked around in pain for a week before I finally did something about it, and guess what? When I got to the hospital no one handed me a medal for suffering. I have to stop worrying about how my illness might affect the girls’ schedule or our family’s weekend plans. If I’m not healthy, I can’t support my family, so I have to do what is necessary, and sometimes that means taking time out to receive the treatment I need.
I’ve learned that my illness is serious and I have to start treating it that way. I need to stop thinking that I can just take a pill and everything will be okay. This is about more than just medication; this is a lifestyle change. I have to manage my Crohn’s disease on a daily basis and recognize that this affects my entire family.
I’ve learned that my family can function without me, but that doesn’t make me irrelevant. This has been a tough lesson for me to learn. I pride myself in organizing play dates, preparing the girls for Crazy Hair Day, and keeping my family on schedule. However, this past week my husband handled everything. I’m sure Mackenzie’s hair wasn’t done each morning, they ate McDonald’s for dinner, and who knows what else, but they survived. Instead of focusing on how life moved on without me, I need to appreciate that I have a husband who can pick up my slack when I need him to, and I have two kids who are resilient enough to roll with the punches.
I’m thankful that I allowed myself this week to receive treatment, rest and recoup, and I made a promise to myself that next time I won’t wait a week before seeking help. Sometimes I have to come first.